This Sunday, Hollywood will gather at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles to perform the impressive feat of kissing its own ass without suffering some sort of severe spinal injury.
Yes, it's Academy Award time - the one magical night on which millions of Americans tune in to find out if that one movie they actually saw will win anything.
This year, the Oscar snubs got more headlines than the nominees, so you may not even know who's up for what.
Well, don't worry - we've pored over the full list of 2015 Academy Award nominees so that you don't have to, and now you can fleece your friends and this year's Oscar party with our list of *iron-clad, 100% guaranteed predictions:
This outcome of the Best Picture Race will remain uncertain until the envelope is opened. It's the closest race in decades, and either Boyhood or Birdman will win by a nose (or beak).
Birdman is a slight underdog, as it's not as a film like Boyhood comes along once in a lifetime (literally). Still, the Academy loves flicks about actors and the industry, particularly when they're as self-referential as Birdman.
Until a few weeks ago, Michael Keaton was considered a lock in this race. Since then, however, Redmayne has become the odds-on favorite, thanks to big wins at the BAFTAs and Golden Globes.
Of course, Birdman is a marvel in its own right. The film has the appearance of being chot in one continuous take, and it's wildly witty script (co-penned by Inarritu) is equally impressive.
The End.
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(*Note: Predictions are not actually iron-clad or guaranteed, and in most states, gambling is illegal, mmmkay?)
So you didn't see Birdman or Boyhood, eh?
Well, we can't combine the two front-runners into one perfect film about 12 years in the life of a pubescent superhero (Birdhood? Boyman?), but we can save you time by telling you that Boyhood is the current favorite to take home the night's top prize for a number of reasons:
In an awe-inspiring feat of forethought that rivals becoming a pre-med major, Boyhood was filmed intermittently over a period of twelve years! No mainstream American film has done anything quite like it. (Google the "7-Up series" for the Brit equivalent.)
Birdman (the other front-runner) is a groundbreaking film in its own right, and it's all about actors! (The Academy loves that!) However, it also has comedic elements and an ambiguous ending. (The Academy hates that!)
The anonymous Academy voter who shared her ballot earlier this week makes Dick Cheney look like Santa Claus and even she gave in to Boyhood's sweetly sentimental charms. It's a safe bet that most of her fellow curmudgeons will do the same.
Of course, this year's contest has been called the closest Best Picture race in 20 years, and you can't count out the possibility of some dark horse like American Sniper swooping in and pulling a Crash-like upset. (We really can't get over that one.)
So you may want to save your money for a safer bet like Michael Keaton for Best Actor. (Although, watch out for Eddie Redmayne, who's built-up some serious momentum with BAFTA and Golden Globe wins in recent weeks.)
Or maybe you think Patricia Arquette for Best Actress is the smarter investment. There's a good chance you're right, but there's also a real possibility that industry-favorite Emma Stone will take the prize for her work in Birdman.
So yeah, it's shaping up to be one of the most unpredictable Oscar nights in decades, and there are really no safe bets. Play it safe and bet on something like host Neil Patrick Harris belting out some showtunes.
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Ahmad Givens, better known to VH1 viewers as "Real," passed away on Friday night after a long battle with colon cancer.
He was 33 years old.
Givens was diagnosed with the disease in 2013.
His condition improved a bit after he underwent surgery and had most of his liver removed, but earlier this year the cancer returned and Givens started chemotherapy treatments.
According to family members, Givens had been bedridden since January, had trouble with his vision last night and died hours later.
"I'll see you one day soon we shall dance again in God's kingdom forever and ever bro words can't describe my pain world pray for me!" Givens' brother wrote soon after his sibling died.
Givens is best known for appearing on the VH1 series I Love New York in 2007.
He went on to anchor spinoffs Real Chance of Love from 2008 to 2009, along with Real & Chance: The Legend Hunters in 2010, on which he starred with his brother.
ESPN's Stuart Scott (1965-2015) will forever be missed. The beloved anchor and personality passed away after a long battle with cancer in January at the age of 49.
