On The Real Housewives of New Jersey "Reunion Part 3" we finally learn who really worked as a stripper in college. We recap all of the screeching accusations and surprising revelations in our THG +/- review.
The Real Housewives husbands arrive and it isn't long before they are all yelling at one another to "shut the f**k up!" Minus 12. If only any of them would listen.
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We continue to rehash the season as we see Kathy explain that in Jersey it's proper to say someone in the family is "going away" instead of "going to jail." Minus 11. How many members of your family have to frequent a jail cell for you to come up with a separate term for it?
Teresa swears she doesn't go to the press with her personal life…they come to her. Duh. That doesn't mean you have to answer them. But wait, I suppose if you want to cash their checks then answers are required.
It's both sad and funny that Teresa insists she's asked her family not to talk about her family's legal problems in the press but she talks about it in magazine and on TV. Minus 10.
It's almost as funny as Teresa insisting she's never called Melissa a stripper. Why isn't Bravo playing a montage of clips where Teresa has said exactly that? Minus 8.
Joe Guicide is as eloquent as ever. When Andy asks him how he feels about possibly facing 10 years in prison, Joe responds with, "Yeah, whatever." He also says the prosecutor can stick his plea deal. Time will tell if that's a foolish answer.
Teresa says they haven't told their girls anything about this. Minus 15. I hope she's lying about that because you know the kids are hearing about it at school. It would be cruel for their parents not to prepare them for that.
The feud between the Laurita's and Guidice's heats up as Joe says that Chris met Jacqueline in Vegas when she was working as a stripper. Jacqueline swears it's a lie and shoots back with, "You piece of low life sh*t. And I hope you go to jail."
Plus 10 for clarity because the battle lines don't get drawn much clearer than that.
All of the stripper accusations prompt Joe Gorga to ask what's the big problem with being a stripper? Chris Laurita one ups him with the best line of the night when he says, "We're talking about strippers like we're talking about serial killers." Plus 20. Very funny.
But someone on that stage was a stripper. Can we get a drum roll for the big reveal?
The Real Housewives stripper is…Joe Gorga. Plus 22. Can't you just picture exhibitionist Joe as a Chippendale dancer. He did it in college and has no problem admitting it. He made good money and had a lot of fun. I can't stop laughing just thinking about it. It wasn't Teresa's sister-in-law who was the stripper. It was her brother.
Things almost get boring as the men call one another bums and debate who grabbed whose crotch first in their drunken brawls. Minus 9. Does anyone really care?
Finally Kim D takes the stage and minus 13 for giving this women the 15 minutes of fame she's so desperately searching for. She doesn't deserve it.
Kim does admit she's holding a grudge against Melissa for endorsing her competitor. Wow! Talk about being a vengeful b*tch.
Then she claims that Angelo's visit wasn't a set up. It was just very convenient. Minus 12. Is anyone buying that?
Caroline admits that after the fashion show incident, Kim D told her Teresa knew something was going down concerning Melissa.
Then the screeching starts again and poor Andy must be deaf in one ear.
Melissa says she'll never even look at Teresa again. Teresa wants her to promise.
Andy says this is a show about family. Minus 10. Yeah, the most dysfunctional family in history.
Even as this ridiculous season comes to a close, Caroline insists that, "When there's love there's hope."
No offense, Caroline but I don't think I'm going to hold my breath. We'll have to wait and see who returns for season five. Bye bye to Jersey for now.
Episode total = -48! Season total = -530!
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