Well... okay then!
While past itinerations of American Horror Story have opened by introducing a set of seemingly normal individuals, slowly but surely making it clear these people and their circumstances are anything but normal, American Horror Story Season 5 Episode 1 took a different tact
From the outset of this premiere all the way up through it's insane ending, we were inundated with one WTF moment after another.
We might as well start with Lady Gaga, right?
She's on board as The Countess, someone who lives in the penthouse of the titular hotel and who is in a relationship with Matt Bomer's Donovan.
We meet these two as they are getting all dolled up for a big night out, which ends up taking them to a movie in the park. But they don't care about the film there.
They waste no time seducing a fellow couple... bringing them back to the hotel... briefly engaging in an orgy... and then sucking out all their blood.
The term "vampire" is never uttered here, but The Countess and Donovan clearly feast on the insides of others. They seem perfectly able to walk around in the sunlight, however.
Here is what else we learn about this unusual twosome:
- Back in 1994, Donovan was taken to the hotel by Sally, a local drug addict.
- His mother, played by Kathy Bates, followed her child there and bribed the transgender bellhop (Denis O'Hare) to reveal the room in which Sally and her son were getting high.
- After finding Donovan passed out, Bates' Iris eventually pushes Sally out a window.
But is she really dead?
Sally is a main character in present day, still hanging out at the hotel - and still engaging in some rather effed up business.
We see her tell O'Hare's character that a certain guest is all "hers," which leads to the most disturbing scene in the premiere:
This guest, played by New Girl's Max Greenfield, is doing drugs in his room when some very weird creature enters, puts on a spiked dildo, and rapes Greenfield from behind.
Sally then sits by the bed, tells Greenfield's character to say that he loves her and the experience will then be all over. He does so, twice, and the creature then seems to disappear... and his victim appears to die.
Finally, we have Wes Bentley as John Lowe.
He's a detective who's investigating a grisly serial killer. This killer taunts him over the phone by claiming he kidnapped his wife and also claiming he's waiting for him at Hotel Cortez.
Neither ends up being true.
But it is true that Lowe literally lost his son a few years ago, turning his back while his child, Holden, rode a carousel.
This abduction has caused major tension between Lowe and his wife, though Lowe remains close to his daughter.
Afraid for their lives due to the presence of this serial killer, Lowe moves out toward the end of the premiere, settling into the mysterious Room 64 at the hotel.
As for Holden? We see that The Countess has him and a few other kids holed up somewhere on the premises, playing video games, dressed the same and acting very strangely.
What the heck is she doing with them?!? It's safe to say this is one of many questions we have after an entertaining, freaky, confounding opening episode.
What did you think of it? Go watch American Horror Story online if you need to catch up and sound off below.
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