It was Bethenny's birthday on The Real Housewives of New York City Season 7 Episode 4, which meant an excuse for her to talk about herself a lot.
It also gave Carole and LuAnn an excuse to show up with much younger dates, teaching viewers "The Art of Being a Cougar" ... or something like that.
Tonight's episode was a lesson for women over 40. Yes, you can score a hot, young dude.
And although the way in which the ladies of RHONYC teach us how to score a young guy is questionable, it is nonetheless effective.
Take a lesson from Carole.
Carole is a connoisseur of young men. She readily admits "the question of age is irrelevant."
Last week, Carole met LuAnn's 29-year-old personal chef, Adam. Carole who is "attracted to attractive men," didn't take long to make her move. By the way, Carole, who isn't attracted to attractive men???
On this week's episode, Carole gives the rundown of her first date with Adam.
You know, it was your regular date. The type where you drink a bunch of tequila and eat a gummy bear laced with acid. The type where you are tripping so hard, you puke all over your date in a pedicab in the middle of New York City.
Although her date was a disaster, Carole divulges some sound insight about men. She says, "Guys aren't grossed out by gross things."
Maybe she is right. After a few too many drinks, I totally puked in my boyfriend's toilet last weekend, and he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he made me hash browns afterward.
Take it from the pros, ladies. Upchuck gets the hookup.
Even after hurling all over him, Carole brought Adam as her date to Bethenny's birthday party, where Sonja also showed up with her super young boy toy.
Sonja met Dominick, a near-adolescent guy from Germany, while partying at Boutique. Her relationship with her newest fling resembles some freak incestuous situation.
She says, "I need to feed this kid. He's still growing." Are you his mother? Or are you hitting it? Pick one, Sonja.
Carole and Sonja have some serious game. Their courting rituals are unconventional at best. Still, while half of the cast is getting divorced, they're getting a piece.
While we are on the topic of game, we should probably address the person with the worst game on the eastern seaboard, Dorinda's boyfriend, John.
Plain and simple, Dorinda needs to kick John to the curb.
Not only does he insist that the "woman is supposed to sit near the crowd" (umm, what?), he also orders what he wants at restaurants and makes Dorinda eat it.
Dorinda even complains, "I never get what I want to eat."
B*tch, please. Bye, Felicia.
John had the audacity to complain that Dorinda always puts her daughter first. After his incessant complaining about it, Dorinda says, "Bring up my daughter again, and I'll rip you a new f***king a**hole."
Holla.
Dorinda has displayed frustration with John in the last few episodes. She even admits that "I keep these lives very separate," referring to her relationships with her daughter and boyfriend. And during her confessional, she says she wishes "John would use a little more good judgement."
This begs the question, why is she still with him?
According to her daughter, it is because she is a "chubby chaser." Dorinda laughingly agrees.
Dorinda, the United States is the second fattest country in the world, and we share a border with the first fattest. There are chubby men everywhere. Take your pick.
What it really boils down to is that many of the RHONYC women have a high tolerance for bad behavior.
For instance, Ramona admits she tried to work things out even after her former husband, Mario, cheated. Kristen's husband treats her terribly. He complains if he has to even momentarily take care of his children.
I'm not saying that Dorinda, Ramona, and Kristen need to throw caution to the wind like Carole and Sonja. But I am saying they need to realize their relationships are troubled and that their men are poor examples of what it means to be a man.
Sure, Carole's new fling might be throwing it back kindergarten-style by taking her to play ping pong and driving her around on the handle bars of his bike.
But if I had to choose between Dorinda's or Carole's relationship, I'd take Carole's any day. Puke and all.
It looks like the tension might pick up next week as Bethenny loses it when feelings get hurt that Kristen wasn't invited to Bethenny's party and Heather is considered a "plus one."
What I really care about is, where the f**k did Bethenny get that fabulous jumpsuit she wore to her birthday dinner???
As always, you can watch The Real Housewives of New York City online to catch up on all the crazy antics in the Big Apple, from beginning to end.
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