Florida resident Jeff Waters was running a few errands yesterday when he unexpectedly found himself in police custody. His plan was simple:
Gather up his usual accessories (bath salts, ninja throwing stars) and stroll down to the bank to cash a $368 billion check so that he could finally realize his dream of opening up the world's largest underwater Italian restaurant.
Sounds like a typical Thursday to us. Unfortunately, the police had other plans for Mr. Waters.
Maybe it was the absurd sum scribbled on the check, or maybe it was the fact that Waters was "visibly high," but for whatever reason, bank tellers became suspicious of the simple transaction, and they alerted the local police.
Cops arrested Waters on the spot and after relieving him of his salts and stars, they took a statement from the would-be eatery tycoon that's pure, uncut Florida:
"It's always been my dream to open the best Italian restaurant in the earth," Waters told police. "I had planned to make the restaurant 80 million square feet and able to accommodate 30 million eaters at once.
"Plus, it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate. But the bank wouldn't give me my money they owed me."
Thanks a lot, bank! You've denied us all the eating experience of a lifetime!
Waters said he purchased the blank check from a homeless man who assured him that he could fill it out for any amount he wished.
Just goes to show that sometimes when you're engaging in business transactions with homeless people while high on bath salts, you tend to make bad decisions.
Is this story as good as the one about the Florida couple selling "golden tickets" to heaven? Or the one about the Florida man who had sex with a tree then attacked a cop with his own badge?
Tough to say. The only thing we know for sure is that we're eternally thankful to the great state of Florida for its endless parade of amusing, flakka-fueled news items:
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