The Royals Season 1 Episode 7, entitled "Your Sovereignty of Reason," revealed a number of new and interesting things about E!'s sexy faux regal clan.
Namely one Joan Collins as Helena's mother, the Grand Duchess!
Picking up where we left off last week, The Royals Season 1 Episode 7 was focused on Ophelia's beautiful breasts. Even more than usual, that is.
That topless pic that hit the tabloids didn't sit well with Helena, but really, who is she to talk, and when her mom shows up, she has bigger issues.
The Grand Duchess of York (Collins) tells Helena (Elizabeth Hurley) that she is clearly losing control and needs some help getting things on track.
"You have failed as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, and, most devastatingly of all, as a queen," she says, chastising Helena for cheating as well.
Not for the act of cheating on merit, however, just for taking it too seriously.
"How many times have I told you," she says, "that a little fling on the side can keep your marriage fresh, but having feelings is quite another matter."
And you thought you wouldn't learn any life lessons when you watch The Royals online. Her biggest worry, of course, is King Simon's epic move.
His rumored referendum to abolish the monarchy has Helena's mum worried, and she feels that the Queen should take this a little more seriously.
Prince Liam and Princess Eleanor love their "Duchie," unlike Helena, and she and Cyrus get their flirt on, which is just creepy (yet not at all surprising).
Cyrus is as useless as he is smarmy, it turns out, because despite his efforts to get Simon to drop this, the King goes on TV to say he will call for a vote.
Simon tells off Cyrus and Helena bluntly after the fact, as well.
What will the UK citizens decide? How will The Royals respond to save their precious monarchy, so that their opulence (and the show) will continue?
"The war is not over," the Duchess tells her downtrodden daughter, assuring her that "you will find the strength to do what is necessary, just as I did."
What did Duchie do, exactly, and what's Helena's next move?!
As for more important topics - Ophelia's breasts - they're more covered up in her dance class than we last saw them in Monaco, but still pretty wonderful.
Liam accompanies her to said class, more smitten than ever.
When the celebrity gossip media starts taunting her (at Helena's request), Ophelia cracks, but Liam assures her he's his girlfriend and will protect her.
Little does Liam know that his mum and Ophelia's dad have already clashed over this romance and whether the American hottie gets a security detail.
Hopefully these two will be okay. There will be many obstacles ahead if they want to make this thing work, and last, and thrive, but there is hope.
If there's one thing we learned after those Kate Middleton bikini photos leaked it's that the paparazzi may be shameless, but true love conquers all.
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