Bravo's Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 1 kicked off another season of friendship, romance, passive-aggressive arguing and hard core feuds at SUR.
What did we learn, and where do things stand, after last night's return?
Well, that any hope for a drama-free season went out the window fast.
Indeed, things may have been relatively sanguine at the onset, but it didn't take long before the "Instafight" broke out on Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 1.
If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know there's no love lost between Scheana and Stassi, who moved on to greener pastures last season.
Well, as things got underway Monday night, we saw Jax doing pushups in his apartment, talking about how his life has changed since the Stassi split.
Jax and Tom Sandoval got into an epic fight last season after Kristen and Jax hooked up, but they appear to have moved on and made up now.
Maybe that's because Tom is now dating bartender Ariana, a woman who "believes in me." What that means, we have no idea, but he is happy now.
Scheana Marine, meanwhile, is living the dream, getting married soon, ruling the roost at SUR with Stassi outta there, and other stuff she's excited about.
Well, until Kristen tells Scheana she was Instagram stalking Tom, and made contact with a girl who claimed to have slept with Tom when he was in Miami.
Tom is now dating Ariana, as we know, and Ariana is Scheana's best friend, so this puts former Eddie Cibrian home wrecker Scheana in a tight spot.
Cut to Stassi getting ready at Katie's. She moved to New York and has grown up so much in the last six months ... but her beau wants to move to L.A.
So yeah, she's totally coming back into the fold before long here.
On the night of Scheana's birthday, she, her fiance Shay and the truckload of makeup she wears arrive at Mixology for a night of fun and no drama at all.
Yeah. That's happening.
Tom and Briana arrive, Tom talks smack about Kristen's new boyfriend James immediately, and Scheana talks to Tom about his indiscretions in Miami.
Tom denies it, FWIW.
While this is going on, Stassi and Co. go out to eat at Andaz, 'cause they are so over Scheana and her birthday. So over it, they talk about it non-stop.
Back at Mixology, Tom Sandoval sees the picture on Instagram that Stassi posted of their night out and declares an Insta-Fight. Oh, it is ON now.
They proceed to take a lot of pictures of themselves, which would be funny if they weren't so into themselves, but they're not doing it to be ironic.
Back to reality, Kristen absolutely won't leave the thing with Tom and the Instagram girl alone, and ends up yelling at Jax for defending him over this.
Tom confronts Kristen. James gets in Tom's face. Tom tells him, "Go take a Beamer selfie." James replies, hilariously, "Go take a Honda Civic selfie."
Dissed and dismissed, Tom takes a swing at James. Fade to black as we await the resumption of this melee on Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 2.
Eagerly.
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