Last night on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 5 Episode 7, we saw Brandi Glanville straight up begging Lisa Vanderpump to be friends again.
So in other words, it was like any episode within the past YEAR.
Also, Kyle Richards humble bragged about how rich she is, and Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna are either mortified to be on the show or good actresses.
Which we suppose they are, for a living. Either way, let's recap:
Brandi Glanville, for her housewarming party (it's a rental, but whatever), wears a dress she has to cram her insane body into so awkwardly, it requires constant adjustment.
Not that we're complaining, it just looks awfully uncomfortable.
Her parents are there, which makes this even weirder, but they seem like lovely people, and a good time is had by all ... until she tells Yolanda her dad likes her boobs.
[Crickets]
When Lisa Vanderpump arrives, she does so with the attitude of a woman paid to be there and contractually obligated, without a shred of real interest in it.
Lisa is straight up rude to Brandi and her parents, and Glanville still wants her to make up and be friends, even though this is enough to make anyone cringe.
Kim Richards gives a toast to Brandi, which is nice, and Yolanda gives her major props for "surviving" her divorce, which has made her fame and fortune.
We feel terrible for Eddie Cibrian cheating on her with Scheana Marie and LeAnn Rimes, and probably a lot of other women, but Brandi ain't suffering.
Just saying.
Vanderpump leaves, and has no intention of being friends with Brandi again. Glanville wants to meet with her privately to clear the air. Just make it stop!!!
Brandi's back, and boozy as ever. Spoiler alert: At some point this season, she smacks Lisa Vanderpump. You'd HAVE to be drunk to assault such a classy lady!
Later, Lisa Rinna is hosting Access Hollywood and does the Ice Bucket Challenge on live TV. Reason enough to watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills online.
At Kyle Richards' house, the pretentiousness is almost too much to stomach. Kim is crushing it lately and maybe the realest woman on the show. Kyle? Shiver.
At a charity gala, Brandi and Lisa Vanderpump cross paths again, and boy does she cross a line when she breaks a branch off of one of Lisa's olive trees.
Offering up a literal olive branch. Cute thought, but it doesn't go over well. Lisa asks Brandi to not hurt her trees. Brandi asks if she'd like oral sex instead.
Lisa then repeats this quote to entire group, who are sort of mortified ... at least Eileen is. Yes she's crass, but was that really that terrible of shocking?
Vanderpump agrees to lunch with Brandi, which the latter had begged her for, and there, the group discusses the past tension between Brandi and Lisa.
Brandi explains that it all boils down to Scheana Marie, who fans who watch Vanderpump Rules know well. Brandi talks like she's Lisa's best friend.
Scheana's just her employee, but point taken. Next week, it is ON when Brandi and Lisa sit down to talk things out for the 478th time ... but this time with vodka.
At least we can hope.
Brandi hates to be sober. She'll tell you all about it.
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