Chris Harrison may have actually hit the nail on the head by promising us the most dramatic Bachelor in Paradise episode EVER last night.
He says that just about every week, but Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 Episode 11 lived up to its billing with drama on all romantic fronts.
You'll have to watch Bachelor in Paradise online to fully appreciate all that went down on ABC, but here's a brief relationship rundown ...
Despite lots of promos hinting that "Kardashley" was no longer a virgin - or that Jared got Ashley Iaconetti pregnant - neither occurred.
He did not deflower her, but Jared did dump Ashley, again, and she wept, again, pushing the limits of how embarrassing she can get.
Before the rose ceremony, Ashley opted to save herself more humiliation by ... exiting the show of her own volition (in tears, obviously).
Unlucky in move Juelia got dumped by Mikey, who told her he had been forcing it; Juelia packed her bags and peaced out in tears.
On a positive note, Justin hit it off with Cassandra, which was refreshingly boring as they hit it off without any fights, tears or drama.
After begging and groveling his way to a date card via Jaclyn, Nick asked out Samantha, who he is just so taken with. Just smitten.
"Why did you want to pursue me so much?" Sam asks. "You are absolutely the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen in my life," Nick replies.
Tight. At the rose ceremony, Dan bowed out of the show after thanking Ashley S. and Amber for their time, even if it didn't work out.
The roses given out: Kirk to Carly, Tanner to Jade, Nick to Samantha, Joshua to Tenley and Justin to Cassandra. That left Mikey.
He tried to offer a rose to Mackenzie, but was rejected. As such, Mikey, Chelsie, Jaclyn, Ashley S. and Amber are out of Paradise.
Then for what surprisingly became the main event of the night as Chris Harrison said it was make or break time for the five couples.
No more games or roses. The final week was just for love, so that they could figure out if theirs would sustain outside of the show.
With that came another Fantasy Suite date, which Carly was legitimately giddy about, an excitement level Kirk did not seem to share.
That's when the show's "married couple" began to unravel, though it was one-sided as Kirk revealed he was gonna dump Carly hard.
"Kirk owed Carly more than this," said Tanner of his co-star. "To wait until the 11th hour to break her heart is kind of an a--hole move."
Jade Roper added some similar thoughts: "He could have stopped it. He could have slowed it down. Instead, he just let her free fall."
As he pulled her aside, she genuinely had no idea even as Kirk rambled forever before he finally got to the point he was trying to make.
Saying he was "a lot behind" in terms of their relationship, Kirk broke her heart as the cameras rolled, and she ran away from him crying.
As Carly began to pack her bags for the airport, Kirk found her and tried to continue their talk, but was shot down in pretty epic fashion.
"You broke my heart," she told her now-ex-boyfriend. "I don't want to talk to you ever again. I want nothing to do with you, ever again."
Damn. That was some cold s--t right there, Kirk. Remind us never to go steady with you on a reality show if we can avoid it.
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