If you're standing up, you need to sit down. If you're drinking any sort of fluid, please swallow it before you do spit take all over your MacBook. And if you have any kind of heart condition, please don't read any further.
We have news that's sure to shock you to your very core and make you question everything you thought you knew about this world: Kim Kardashian is naked on the Internet.
Okay, now that we're done laying on the sarcasm with a trowel, it's time to seriously investigate what's going on here.
Obviously, the focal point is Kim's famous ass.
Well, there's also that cup of coffee, and we're really hoping she doesn't spill it, because if Kanye picked out those sheets, you know the thread count is insane.
Anyway, back to the ass.
Much like Kim's nude Paper magazine photos (and unlike her exposed butt), this thing was supposed to be kept under wraps until the last second.
Kim even tagged the thing #SecretProject.
Unfortunately, she also tagged the photography team of Mert & Marcus, who had already posted Kim's black-and-white boobs:
So it looks like her own partners in crime let the crack out of the bag ahead of schedule.
But the question still remains: What is this secret project?
If it's just more nude photos of Kim Kardashian, then the Internet will probably greet this thing with a collective yawn.
After all, how many times can we see some variation on the same naked selfie without growing bored?
Don't get us wrong - we're big fans of gratuitous nudity, but Kim is flooding the market these days.
It might be time to step away from the nude selfie game and really think about her art for a while.
And then in like two, three weeks come roaring back with a full-frontal.
We feel like we should charge a consulting fee for that advice.
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