A "dog-walker" in Seattle recently posted a Craigslist ad offering their services in hilarious fashion, but is the ad - which rapidly went viral - real or fake?
"HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS," the intro reads, as the dog walker presents a set of questions to determine if prospective clients would be a good fit:
- Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20's and 30's?
- Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?
- Do you work for a corporation that received Tarp money?
If so, "I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER," he boasts, and not just any dog walker, but "the most radical, bitching, mind blowing dog- walking experience in all of Seattle."
"All dogs are STOKED when I'm around, regardless of breed or sex ... your dog is gonna be on me like Charlie Sheen on a porn star mad of amphetamines."
"When I'm ascending toward penthouse suite in your private elevator, bitch's nipples are gonna be ROCK HARD. Do I have experience walking dogs?"
"I'M A HUMAN BEING, OF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS. THIS ISN'T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS; ITS DOG-WALKING"
The epic rant continues, becoming more ridiculous with each passing line, but when reached for comment, the alleged "dog-walker" revealed the truth.
"Ummm... I posted this as a joke," he writes, very disappointingly.
"I have surprisingly gotten people that want me to walk their dogs. I've got more marriage proposals and offers for sex more than anything."
Contrary to his post, he says, "I make a comfortable living and I'm pretty much your average joe family man" with a wife and daughter.
The reason he came up with this hilarity and posted it, then?
"To show what happens when you go to college and stack up student loans and dont have a plan afterwards. you'll turn out having to walk dogs with a shitty outlook on society."
The moral the story can be summed up in three bullet points:
- Have a career plan mapped out as early as possible;
- Don't believe everything you read on the Internet;
- Walk your own dog, you latte-sipping elitst snobs!
HA! Read this Craigslist ad to see why one dog owner is putting his girlfriend out there for anyone to come by and pick up.
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