A drunk driver in Tennessee got pulled over this weekend, at which point officers observed that the dude was wearing an actual chastity belt.
Tennessee Highway Patrol officers pulled over Curtis Eidam on suspicion of drunk driving, then realized this wasn't a standard DUI.
Bobby Joe Higgs, an investigator for the Anderson County District Attorney General's office, described it to the Knoxville News Sentinel.
The 35-year-old suspect was wearing "some kind of red mesh see-through hose" with a ribbon tied in his goatee and "some kind of little skirt."
Need we say more? Actually, yes we need to.
Eidam also sported a chastity belt around his private parts, though cops were focused on his alcohol-tinged odor and bloodshot, watery eyes.
The belt was not revealed to them until later.
Eidam allegedly admitted drinking 4-5 shots in the preceding four hours, according to media reports, putting him over the legal limit.
A breathalyzer test of his blood-alcohol level backed up his claim - .117 is legally drunk, but we've seen worse - and he was detained.
Officers - who also noticed a handgun in the center console - didn't discover the aforementioned chastity belt until booking Eidam, however.
The suspect mentioned that he really needed a key ... that was in his vehicle, because it unlocked a "device" he was wearing at the time.
Eidam said one key was in his car and the other around the neck of his driving companion, who was also visibly intoxicated but not arrested.
They djd retrieve the key for him. All in a day's work.
After many raised eyebrows and probably a few laughs, Eidam was charged with charged with DUI and gun possession under the influence.
He was taken to the Anderson County Jail and is scheduled to appear in court July 12 ... hopefully without the chastity device this time.
A chastity belt, if you're unaware, is defined as a garment or device worn around the pelvic area to prevent a person from having sex.
Such things were originally used by strident Christian parents looking to literally lock down their kids' feverish masturbatory tendencies.
According to the Internet, they are also used as pleasure denying tools in BDSM relationships, which sounds like the dumbest thing ever.
We're not judging, but seriously. Why would you ...
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