If you're not familiar with Riff Raff, just imagine if someone threw Kesha in a blender with the worst '80s neon fashion and then poured that toxic concoction into one of Lil Jon's bejeweled pimp goblets.
He's a rapper (and apparently an aspiring pro wrestler) but Riff is best known for briefly dating Katy Perry and just generally being a ridiculous human being.
Mr. Raff famously bid farewell to his epic coke and booze habits recently in hopes of bulking up for his WWE debut. Fortunately, his new life of (relative) sobriety hasn't made him any less of a blinged-out human acid trip, as you can see in the video below:
"I don't wanna be lil something. I don't want to be such-and-such a lil la, la, la. A little hokey-dokey, a little shungy-lungy" Riff begins in what appears to be some sort of language that twins teach other.
He goes on to detail the diet that's allowed him to pack on 30 pounds in just one month. Prepare to feel much less guilty about that order of wings you wolfed down for lunch:
"I eat hamburgers, a lot of seafood, lobster, pizza...You ever have buttermilk ranch sauce over ice? In a cup and then you drink it? You should try it some time."
"Some people eat all healthy. I don't wanna hear that sh-t...Some people want to eat chicken breasts and rice. I flat-out can't because it tastes too much not nice."
Vice conducted a follow-up interview with Riff after this video was filmed. It seems he's gained another 15 pounds, he's training with Hulk Hogan, and he's just as committed to his strict health regimen:
"I EAT A LOT OF FIVE GUYS BURGERS AND FRIES 4 TIMES A DAY SUMTIMES," says the man also known as Jody Highroller for some reason.
Sounds like a solid plan to us. Hopefully, his tour rider includes a defibrillator these days.
Kourtney Kardashian IS pregnant, so MAYBE she ate that fried thing on a fork. But probably not.
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