On The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 2, Chris Soules culled his field of aspiring trophy wives as his reality TV journey for Mrs. Prince Farming continued.
Which contenders are starting to stand out amongst a sea of pretenders? Who lived to woo the Iowa native another day, and who's on a plane home?
How many different farm jokes, date themes and gags must we endure?!
Read The Bachelor spoilers to learn who Chris reportedly takes to his final four - and Arlington farm, and hopefully the altar - later on this season.
For now, let's break down the new season's sophomore installment ...
The first order of business on The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 2? Resolving last week's cliffhanger ending, in which one rejected woman refused to leave.
Yoga instructor Kimberly never got a chance to talk to Chris, she says, and she isn't about to leave without at least having her get to know her a little bit.
Chris confers with the other Chris (Harrison) and decides it sends a bad message if he doesn't give her that chance. The other women are not happy.
Will she be doing downward dog in a different sense with Chris soon? Or is this just a one-week reprieve? More on that in just a little while, THGers.
While Chris is using the outdoor shower, a couple of girls break into his house, where one puts on his motorcycle helmet and rams her head into the wall.
Those awesome antics really set the tone for an evening full of them.
Soon it's time for a tractor race, in downtown L.A., bikini-style. If that's not the best reason we can think of the back up traffic in the city, what is?!
MacKenzie wins a one-on-one date and wins over Chris by talking about her son ... and aliens, and her love of big noses. In any case, it works.
She gets the rose, then kisses and tells. The women are not happy.
Makeup artist Megan then received a date card, which she didn't realize was a date card and thought was just a nice, cryptic note from Chris Soules.
Has she never seen the show? If not, is that a good or a bad thing?
In any case ... first helicopter ride! First assurance that she's "not here for the wrong reasons" and proclamation that "being on this journey" is amazing.
Chris makes out with her and gives her a rose at the Grand Canyon.
On the second group date, a bunch of women are whisked away to a dark corner of The Walking Dead lot, and harassed by zombies and other creatures.
It's pretty awesome to see their terrified faces to this hilarious extent.
At the fire pit after the horror show, the freak show is still going on, as Ashley stares into a candle until she sees angels, then starts getting aggressive.
It's unclear why, but at least she provided them free entertainment.
Later, Chris gives Britt Nilsson a coupon for a free kiss, but gives the date rose to Kaitlyn. Then, at the cocktail party, the stakes are higher than ever.
Whitney Bischoff, the fertility nurse, woos Chris with her baby voice and a bottle of bourbon. It's a strange combination but he seems taken with her.
Ashley I. (one of two Ashleys) is a 26-year-old nanny.
Ashley I. reveals she's a virgin, after which MacKenzie comments that men "love" to take a woman's virginity, a comment that made us feel uncomfortable.
That's just watching TV. Imagine being there in the flesh.
Is Chris Soules engaged to a virgin? We know one makes it to the Fantasy Suite this season, but is it Ashley? Is there more than one rookie around?
The lucky ladies receiving roses on this awesome evening, after Chris made out with some more girls and drunk Jordan killed the vibe at the party ...
- Mackenzie
- Kaitlyn
- Megan
- Britt
- Ashley I.
- Trina
- Kelsey
- Samantha
- Juelia
- Amber
- Tracy
- Jillian
- Jade
- Nikki
- Becca
- Carly
- Whitney
- Ashley S.
The best (worst?) moment of the night came when Chris calls Juelia, but Jillian barges forward, realizes her error, backtracks, trips, and then cackles.
It was so awkward, we don't even know what to say, Fortunately for Jillian, her name was called later, otherwise that'd be a heck of a way to go out.
Eliminated: Jordan, Alissa, Tandra, Tara and Kimberly (again), proving that second chances are great but Chris' gut was probably right the first time.
To see the installment and relive the absurdity from start to finish, follow the link to watch The Bachelor online. We suggest you have Advil on hand, though.
All of that eye rolling can make your head hurt after awhile.
Chris Soules is The Bachelor 2015. Here he is, leaving no doubts about it.
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