Monday on Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 Episode 4, it was anything but another day in paradise for a number of Bachelor and Bachelorette castoffs.
The cast was left reeling often times during Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 Episode 4 as the love triangles (squares? trapezoids?) got intense.
Picking up where Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 Episode 3 left off, Jared and Clare enjoy a romantic afternoon, but there is big trouble ahead.
Trouble's name is Ashley Iaconetti, who accuses Clare of using "voodoo boy magic" and "sex appeal" to steal the love of her life Jared from her.
WTH, right? Also, Clare is so OLD (she's like 35).
Things get worse for Ashley when she overhears Clare - Juan Pablo's infamous runner-up on The Bachelor - talking about how great it went.
"I feel atrocious," the soon-to-be pregnant non-virgin Ashley continues. "I don't want to hear Claire and her storytelling … worst experience of my life."
Her life must be pretty sheltered. Just saying.
There may be hope yet for unstable Ashley ... because Jared soon tells Clare that HE is unsettled by their staggering eight-year age difference!
Meanwhile, Tenley Molzahn is in a bona fide love square when Michael G. (from Desiree Hartsock's season of The Bachelorette) arrives to woo her.
Seriously. He says he came just for her.
Tenley, he says in the cheesiest line of the night, if not the season, is more like "an elevenly." We sort of agree (see below) so we'll let that slide.
JJ and Joshua are clearly intimidated by him and worried that Tenley will be swept off her feet by the newcomer. The odds do look fairly decent.
Elsewhere, Juelia is excited about Joe ... who is into Samantha from Chris Soules' season of The Bachelor. So Mikey makes a move on Juelia.
Safe to say that doesn't work out. Then Jonathan and Mikey both tell Juelia that Joe is not in Paradise for right reasons, and she gets a bit confused.
Word gets back to Joe, who threatens to make Jonathan and Mikey his "b-----s" (seriously) ... resulting in them apologizing and crying. Wild.
The reason to watch Bachelor in Paradise online today is for the ending, though, when Jared does a 180 and starts pursuing Ashley I. again.
This results in an epic Clare meltdown about coming on the ABC show to find love, not to play games. Even Jade Roper calls her out on this rant.
At rose ceremony time, Carly gives hers to Kirk, Ashley S. gives hers to Dan, and Jade gives her rose to Tanner, with whom she has hit it off.
Tenley, in a bit of a surprise, picks Joshua, leaving Michael surprised ... but before the rose ceremony can continue, Clare melts down once more.
Even though she has a rose to give out (it's not like she's going to go home), she says she has "no one to give it to" and is inconsolable.
Or, as someone else interjects, "Somebody wants attention."
Cue "To Be Continued" screen and fade to black!
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