Portly, foul-mouthed rich guys are not uncommon sights at Dallas Cowboys games, but one squishy fan who was seated in the owner's box cheering on America's team yesterday certainly stood out above all the rest.
Yes, that's New Jersey governor Chris Christie cheering on Tony Romo and company during their nail-biting victory over the Detroit Lions in Sunday's wild card playoff game.
You might be thinking, So what? Clearly the guy is friends with team owner and noted stripper aficionado Jerry Jones. It's a football game; what's the big deal?
Well, you, my friend, clearly don't know Jersey. Go listen to some Springsteen records, watch an episode of Snooki and JWoww, then come back to us. We'll wait.
Good? Okay, now you understand that Christie presides over a state where two NFL teams play, one of whom is a divisional rival of the Cowboys.
So you can understand why Christie's constituents were a little annoyed to see him whooping it up over a Terrance Williams touchdown.
The only other time you'll see dude that excited is when an Old Country Buffet employee brings out a fresh tray of Swedish meatballs.
The whole thing confirms what Jersey residents have long suspected - Christie doesn't give two loud, messy craps about his home state and is already wholly focused on running for president in 2016.
Right now, he's got a good shot at the White House. After all, Christie was named the "hottest" politician in the US in a recent poll. (To clarify: "hottest" meaning most popular, not most sexually attractive, obvi.)
But there's still the little matter of running the nation's 11th largest state, and Christie flaunting his love for the quintessential Texas team on national television was taken as a slap in the face by many of the Joisey's nearly 9 million residents.
The Chubby Guvvie has been uncharacteristically quiet on the topic thus far, but fortunately, his brother Todd took to Facebook to respond with the Christie family's signature brand of seething outrage:
"To all of those non-Cowboy fans who have their panties in a ringer because the Gov is a Cowboys fan - GET A LIFE!!!" Todd wrote in a lengthy status update.
"The Gov has been a Cowboys fan his entire life and ALL of you would sit with the owner of your favorite team if given a chance...I mean crazy pathetic posts!"
Yeah! You guys are crazy pathetic! All of you would endanger the future of your careers to fanboy out like giddy middle schoolers in front of millions of viewers!
Or maybe you wouldn't. Todd's a coattail-rider, not a mind-reader, guys!
You must do the Rob Gronkowski toy soldier dance upon winning each week.
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