Celebrity Wife Swap is a show on which formerly famous has-beens switch families for a few days and pretend to be freaked out by one another's ca-razy lifestyles.
Last night's nobodies were Booty Call star Tommy Davidson (who actually has talent) and surviving 80s Corey, Corey Feldman (whose sole talent is making people feel the sudden urge to bathe themselves in bleach).
Usually, the show is about as "real" as most other reality series, but last night's episode required very little acting from Davidson's fiancee Amanda (CWS isn't too strict about the "wife" or "celebrity" parts of its title), as it's easy to be genuinely freaked out by Feldman's house, which seems to be some nightmare combination of the Neverland Ranch, the Playboy Mansion and the Scientology Celebrity Center.
Feldman lives with a bunch of struggling models that he calls his "angels." These women regularly sport wings and halos and their reliance on Feldman for financial support requires them to do his bidding.
This means signing a contract to ensure that they'll abide by a laundry list of bizarre rules:
"Corey's Angels" are forbidden to eat meat, drink alcohol, or wear jeans. They must "work out to maintain their weight" and most importantly, they must be "coachable...open to change and willing to learn." Nothing creepy about that.
Corey sends his "maingel" (that's his main angel, of course) to Davidson's house, but keeps several, lower-ranking angels at the "Feldmansion" (the man loves portmanteaus) in order to thoroughly freak Amanda out.
Needless to say, that mission is easily accomplished.
Not only does Feldman live with a bunch of indentured sex servants, he seems to go out of his way to give an "uncle you don't want to be left alone with" vibe.
Feldman frequently compares himself to Michael Jackson, and he's even adopted the late pop star's mannerisms and creepy, sing-songy style of speaking.
Thankfully, Feldman's sleepover pals are older than Jackson's but the actor-turned-predator seems equally unaware of the fact that he's the kind of guy that makes people surreptitiously dial "9-1" and then hit "1" again once the ball gag comes out.
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